that I will become a bad girl, someone I myself would not recognize..
Today, yet another stranger gave me his number, and asked "this beautiful girl" to call (I NEVER call, though). I know I'm not "beautiful", and I know most men who say that just fool around. And I truly hate any man who would say "you are beautiful!" when we only just made eye contact out of politeness. They don't know what they are talking about. And I know this only happens when a girl is young. This is NOT what I want. But those are dangerous temptations... And sometimes I feel it is so much easier to deal with them because what they want is shallow and they come and go easily.
I don't understand that why I always tend to run away from what's good and authentic, and what I truly like and care for, and why I always don't feel that I'm good enough, and that I deserve something good in return.
Recently I read a man's childhood story. He was also being bullied and neglected when he was little. And he said, even after his environment changed afterwards, and he started to learn how to trust other people, he pushed away all the true friendships offered in the beginning, because he just couldn't deal with it. But eventually he learned.. that he's worth protecting, and anyone is worth protecting, and we should not "let those bastards do things like that to anyone." He grew up to be someone dedicated to eliminate violence in elmentary and middle schools, and to support talented students. I was really touched, and I felt that we came from the same planet. But, seriously, I don't know how much and how long it takes me to be brave and confident enough to pursue what I really like in life, AND NOT TO PICK THE EASY JUST BECAUSE IT'S CONVENIENT.
I just feel helpless sometimes. Hopefully it'd be transient.
