Wednesday, December 13, 2006

quotes from e.e.cummings "the voice of the poet"

6. a man who had fallen among thieves (1922)

...
i put him all into my arms
and staggered and banged with terror through
a million billion trillion stars

9. somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond (1931)

...
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

Tremble: a girlfriend attended a wedding where the groom read this poem aloud in front of all the guests. I exlaimed, "Oh, that'd be really romantic", while she was recounting the story. "Not exactly," She responded, "the guests were annoyed because no one understood it."

11. as freedom is a breakfastfood (1940)

...
or hopes dance best on bald men's hair
and every finger is a toe
and every courage is a fear
...
...
down shall go which and up come who
breasts will be breasts thighs will be thighs
deeds cannot dream what dreams can do
--time is a tree(this life one leaf)
but love is the sky and i am for you
just so long and long enough

13. love is more thicker than forget (1940)

love is more thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent that to fail

...

15. my father moved through dooms of love (1940)

...
if every friend became his foe
he'd laugh and build a world with snow
...

20. pity this busy monster,manunkind, (1944)

... We doctors know

a hopeless case if--listen:there's a hell
of a good universe next door;let's go

21. ("first stop thief help muder save the world" (1944)


...

"have you" the mountain,while his maples wept
air to blood,asked "something a little child
who's just as small as me can do or be?"
god whispered him a snowflake "yes:you may
sleep now,my mountain" and this mountain slept

while his pines lifted their geen lives and smiled

25. Hello is what a mirror says (1944)

...

no sunbeam ever lies

...

26. nothing false and possible is love (1944)

...

must's a schoolroom in the month of may:
life's the deathboard where all now turns when
(love's a universe beyond obey
or command,reality or un-)

...

37. who were so dark of heart they might not speak, (1950)

...

...
nowhere to hear,never to beautiful:
a little innocence creates a day.

And something thought or done or wished without
a little innocnece,although it were
as red as terror and as green as fate,
greyly shall fail and dully disappear--

but the proud power of himself death immense
is not so as a little innocence


38. when faces called flowers float out of the ground

...

when every leaf opens without any sound
and wishing is having and having is giving--
but keeping is doting and nothing and nonsense
--alive;we're alive,dear:it's(kiss me now)spring!
now the pretty birds hover so she and so he
now the little fish quiver so you and so i
(now the mountains are dancing,the mountains)

...

39. now air is air and thing is thing:no bliss (1958)

41. because you take life in your stride(instead (1958)

...

because you aren't afraid to kiss the dirt
(and consequently dare to climb the sky)
because a mind no other mind should try
to fool has always failed to fool your heart

....

42. So shy shy shy(and with a (1958)

...

So gay gay gay and with a
wisdom not the wisest man
will partly understand(although

the wisest man am i)

...

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Quotes from the Haroun book

"...but but but it may be that my heart truly needs a Different Sort of Thrill." -Butt

"No problem!"..."Any story worth its salt can handle a little shaking up! Va-voom!" - Butt

"Dark, my sirs, has its fascinations: mystery, strangeness, romance..." -Iff

"Who knows? Maybe so and maybe no..." -Iff

"Rise and shine," -Blabbermouth

that silence has its own grace and beauty...that creatures of darkness could be as lovely as the children of the light.

I think somehow dirty and happy are related

I do blue-collar work, like vacuuming, car-cleaning, bathroom cleaning when I feel down. Then my clothes get dirty and I feel happy again. Hey, roommate, I will wash your car too, just wait till I'm upset again.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

What does it mean to be an adult?

I didn't want to write this because I thought this was obvious and no one enjoys repeating common sense. It's like those kinds of happy movies. They are very simple and totally predictable, and they never make me happy -- instead, I feel I wasted my time and money.

Anyways, I started writing this because of recent conversations with my two friends.

The first one is someone in our community did something wrong, and I suggested that we teach him a lesson by letting him know this shouldn't be allowed and should never happen again. But my friends said that someone was an adult and didn't need us to "teach him a lesson". The other one is my friend was complaining about her teammate didn't contribute to their project work and she said if he continued to be unhelpful then she wouldn't put his name on the paper in the end. I told her if she was going to do that she better tell him in advance, and don't wait till the last minute. And she responded like, "He is an adult. He should know it will end up like that if he does nothing. I don't have the obligation to tell him."

Both of them view adulthood sort of as a magic milestone from where individuals are truly independent, self-sufficient, and free from criticism and (friendly) warnings. That does not hold for everyone. I'd think the difference is when you are a kid and you do something wrong you don't have to be responsible under most circumstances, while if you are an adult you are going to be responsible (if you get caught). The underlying cut-off line is whether you are fully competent in understanding your own behavior and its consequences. But it does not imply anywhere that it is also a stopping point for an individual to learn more about social conduct and alike. Plus, competence varies by individuals too. Some people might need more help. Like human societies are built upon interdependent relationships, we simple cannot just let people do whatever they like simply because they are older than 18. One example is crime prevention is way more important than crime response in the real world. I made a harsh metaphor here and I agree that adults should know better but how many people out there act as they should? And what is the point of having a society if we are isolated islands?

Well so much for today. To me, learning is a life-long process.

lots lots of prepositions

I'm especially bad at using the right prepositions while at the same time the US population is using more and more of them. They are not only used everywhere but more often in pairs. "You are welcome to sit in on my class" rather than "sit in my class"; "Ha, you didn't pick up on that" instead of "you didn't pick it up"; and,... my roommate gave me this funny one:"Don't get on up in my face!" Heh. It's a trio. There are many more examples like those. Why do people do this though? I don't understand...

Monday, October 30, 2006

ugly girls need to study harder.

When I was a teen, there's once my dad looked at me, sighed, and said, "My girl is not good-looking. You need to study very hard then." Now I've grown up, and there's once I complained to my friend that only ugly boys asked me out, and he laughed and said, "Ugly boys need to try harder." :) Let me make a sentence like that: "Ugly girls need to study harder." Yes, Dad, I've always been trying to study harder than I do. It is sometimes difficult though.

Last Saturday, I saw "A Good Women" with a friend. It was adapted from a play of Oscar Wilde. There's a quote from the movie we both much liked -- "Crying is the refuge of plain women. Pretty women go shopping." I want to also make a similar sentence: "Long hair is a prop of plain women. Pretty women cut theirs short." :) This is dedicated to my girl friend who cut her hair just below the ear recently.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Balloon certain time molecules and make happiness.

Friday, September 22, 2006

I enjoy the tacitness between Claire and me.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

You know, writers usually die early. And they give out Nobel Prizes to those who are still alive.

chocolate-covered-coffee-bean style critique

John Pomfret
which was both thought-provoking and critique-inducing.

four bets he was talking about today:
development above all?
income gap
environmental problems
collapse of belief system - from the era of morons to the money-driven society


I was surprised by his profound knowledge of the contemporary China as a foreigner and inspired by the metaphers of "bets" he used in talking about the future of China. But I certaintly do not agree on the "total collapse of the belief system", to me it is rather in the process of redefinition/blending. And what is the use of a belief system per se?
Also I found him to be a little pessimistic, and he sort of deviates from at least having a deeper look at the temperament of the Chinese citizens. If I were to have a choice right now to either bet on the government or on the people, I'd definitely choose the latter. Not just China, the trend of "people not trusting their government" is prevalent in other parts of the world including America. The government may be very soon malfunctioning, and our people could be as blind (or even more so) as any other peoples. Chinese people somehow are unusually tolerant, adaptive, and entrepreneurial (when it is necessary). We are less happy because we burden We are usually much closer to the sense of "we have nothing to lose" than many other peoples. When there are market failures, people strive to make new markets. I admit this is a excruciating growing pain for us Chinese right now and it may last long but they are the prices we pay to rebuild our nation. Also he ignores that the government is getting more repsonsive to public feedback on government performance (cancelation of the plan for the Nu River Dam, posecution of several corrupted officials?). Also I want to explore more about how the potential redefinition of immobile property rights in the Constitution will impact the environmental issues and a healthier economic development path.
Forgot to also mention the impact of legal reforms. There are so many aspects about the new China that John didn't see.
And also I have new ideas about informed decision-making at the government level so that decisions are made not out of balances of state and provincial political powers but scientific observations and estimations. This is not to say the latter would necessarily result in a better situation since nature is also a big player here but it is certainly a convergence to how most up-to-date decisions are made in private businesses, which
I'm actually a little worried about the imprecision side of the Chinese temperament, but the biggest pitfall is not the ideal pursuit of hamonies withotu calculations but rather the somewhat failing education system, which I believe serves as the root for any positive changes and growths in any society. so what's the problem? brain drain? confusions of the teachers themselves? Scarcity of children comes along with spoiling and lack of considerateness and sympathy. hate from the poor? access to higher education? structure failures? forgot how to be a real scholar?
Sigh, talking all these I found many are stil going back to the belief systerm. But I sincerely don't think any single religion can solve the prolem sicne they can also be used to error on the moron side. It is all our own doing.
It may more be a defect of our temperament than out government.
Sigh, I don't have a point anymore. So, stop here.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

well before best before

Everything that is good will go well before "best before". And I realized it doesn't just apply to snacks.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Remembered something happened in November 1999. Obviously I thought my pride was very important at that time. I wished Happy Birthday to him but he himself didn't remember the date (though it was according to the lunar calendar) and asked me if I was sure. I was so hurt that I refused to talk to him anymore though he found out and apologized immediately after. Was I crazy? Too proud, too shy, or too deeply in love?

Saturday, July 01, 2006

I don't like her and I don't dislike her. She is on my list of irrelevance.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Movie Review of "The Triplets of Belleville"

So I watched the Triplets of Belleville, thinking it is funny and hoping it can cheer me up. However, it turned out to be a total scary movie to me, by interweaving wild imagination and reality checks together. Ironically, real scary movies do not really scare me, with all those bloody scenes I cannot say that the music is not delightful, or the image is not cute, or

the grandma she devoted all herself to make her grandson happy.

the wordless grandson: he is the guy who scares me most. He doesn't smile, doesn't talk, and doesn't seem to think or just wink. Plus, he doesn't do anything besides biking. When he gets locked up by the Mafia, he isn't horrified, and when he is freed, he doesn't seem to be happy. To me, he is the most soulless thing in the movie. He is a poor kid with no parents, but he is also fortunately enough to have a miraclous grandma who does everything to train and protect him.

What it implies: the power of women and the cruelty of life.

A movie full of implied feminism. In the beginning, the three huge women get out of the car. Two squeeze their husband out like an accessory and one had hers stuck in her butt.

The reality:
(1) time lapses, grandma grows older and older and grandson becomes a middle-aged mediocre from a little boy.

(2) the grandson is not a top racer despite all the training.

(3)

Saturday, June 24, 2006

I'm a 26-year-old coward.

Some music needs to be listened with a headset because it is so subtle.

Monday, June 19, 2006

I somehow couldn't help thinking life is somewhat fated. And there are so many things beyond my reach. Maybe the best I can do is just let go and accept what is coming to me? But it doesn't quite work in my yoga class. There are always some "borderline" poses that if I say to myself "I couldn't", I couldn't, and if I say "maybe", I did it sometimes. However, human subjects are more capricious than yoga poses. I don't know if I should just follow Betty's logic and be realistic. She is a lawyer and I was supposed to be one. Oh, life is so sad.

Friday, June 16, 2006

After all the things I have tried and done, I still feel myself a coward.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

It is your own growing pain so I can't help.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I was stalked by a crazy stranger today back from the market. He is black, probably mentally ill and was riding a bike. He was following me all the way to RAND, keeping asking me to marry him and if I liked killers. Well, he was crazy so I thought the best response was no response and continue walking. Otherwise, I would really have shouted him and pour all my work stress on him and called the police (if only I had brought my cell phone with me alas!). I was really scared at that time. Though it was only verbal harrassment, it also brought back many other unpleasant memories. But I was fortunate that it was only verbal, I didn't really want to fight in my nice linen. Two hours later I finished one pound of cherries, and thinking, maybe large quantities of sweet fresh cherris could help calm disturbed nerves?

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Who should I believe? Time cures, and time kills.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

The hard way is the best way -- life learning process.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

You did something bad to me and justified it by saying "you asked for it". Ok, even if it were true that I had explicitly asked for it, why wouldn't you also have given the good things I asked for?

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

We were just too young and too impatient and too pre-determined back then. We didn't know that things we thought that were totally hopeless could be cured by time. We made mistakes, big ones. When we grew older and looked back we'd gasp at the irreversibility of life.
Every decision we made is a one-way ticket. Sometimes we have to go farther into it before we realize we took the wrong train.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

No effort is ever wasted, as long as you don't focus on the original calibration.

I biked up north towards where the wind blew this afternoon on Santa Monica beach. The humid ocean breeze reminded me of home. When I biked back, the wind was no longer against me but rather with me. Maybe it all depended on me after all.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

sometimes I forget we are also animals

That said it all. It suddenly occured to me when I was driving towards home one afternoon, after a long day of work and study. Everything in my life is just routine. I study, cook, eat, and sleep, and above all I try to focus on work, doing analyses that are seemingly intelligent and beyond basic activities of this vulgar world. This is part of the punishment I gave to myself. Yes, this silly, sappy girl decided not to have a heart. She started to go abstinent and to refuse emotional attachements and interdependencies. And she succeeded for almost 2 years. But, is that right? Is she then terribly imcomplete? Why do I fear the animal part of myself, which is also the very true reflection of oneself? That thought makes me wonder more about me and others and our somewhat drastically different behavior..