indiminishable vs. nontrivial

I was writing this paper (forever), and had been trying to find a word that means "cannot be trivialized". I asked both the linguist Mary Ann and another American friend, they thought hard, and gave suggestions, but I was being unreasonably choosy and decided they were not what I wanted. Then as Mary Ann suggested, I went to reference.com, searched a couple words, and finally found "indiminishable", which was exactly what I was thinking about! However, it's hard to not notice that only one dictionary has an entry for the word, which is the Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary. I was kind of concerned that since this was the case, quite possibly people would not understand/recognize the word at all.

Later that night I told Mary Ann all about this and she laughed: "We need you foreigners! You use words from the dictonary; we don't use most of them."

Ah, well, I laughed with her, but, in the end, I chose not to use indiminishable as to describe a "cannot be trivialized" situation, for which, I was afraid the word was too sophisticated for. "Nontrivial" instead became my final choice, and Google Scholar is my mute supporter.

Hits returned for "indiminishable": 6
Hits returned for "nontrivial": 298,000

Quotes I like recently.

"My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened."-Michel de Montaigne (1533-92)

"Come to the edge, he said, They said: We are afraid Come to the edge, he said. They came, He pushed them, and they flew." -Guillaume Apollinaire (1880-1918)

I'm sorry, Peanut.

I had no idea that you were sent to the hospital on my birthday. And I was a little mad that you didn't call. I should've called you instead. You see, low maintenance is not always good, no matter how solid our friendship is. Recover soon, and lend me your mojo. I'm sifting. I'm drifting. I need your opinion (, but I won't buy your theory). Recover soon, Peanut.

Mary Poppins & Daddy Long Legs!

Last night I found out Mary Ann didn't read Mary Poppins when she was little. How could she miss that?!

Basically, how could you go through your childhood without reading Mary Poppins? I'm not saying it's too late now, but still...

And Daddy Long Legs too. If you didn't read Daddy Long Legs, how would you know the merit of keeping writing even when the person you are writing to never replies?

My next entry would be: "The Art of Not Writing Back & The Forgiveness Story #1". :)

Ready to be 27.

"Life has never been this good" should be a fair one-sentence summary for my 26th year. I'm so proud that I actually did several things that I never thought I could:

*I learned how important and how easy it is to be happy, and how little it actually takes (that is, I suppose, the willingness) to help bring out the happiness of people you care about and care for. I learned it the most scary way, but it also gave me the greatest effect. So I have nothing to complain about. :) Want to ask me how happy I am now? An example: there's once I went to a store to buy some car wash product. As I was looking around, a stranger came up and said, "Are you an artist? You look so happy..." As I am pretty sure that I didn't look like a drug addict in any possible way (to disclose a little more, I'm a "pot virgin", a title Arnab gave), I took it as the greatest compliment I've had from a stranger last year.

*I learned how fun it is to try new things, esp. those that when I told my parents I'm going to do and they would be screaming "No!!!!!" I must be a bad kid -- whenever I override my parent's no's, I feel VERY great. Now it has become a rule of thumb that something'll be really fun if they object to it. I went sailing, skiing, kayaking... and received pure happiness from it. I understand they want me to be safe and live a long life, but what is the meaning to it if it only comes with boredom? Good that my parents are also quite adaptive, and are getting used to me being adventurous (though I don't think anything I've done so far should be counted as adventurous at all).

*I learned to wish the best for people who had hurt me. This is not easy at all, and may sound suspiciously hypocritical, but this is the only way to "free oneself from anger and pain" (thanks MA, for putting my subconcious thoughts into concrete words). I regret that I had not truly forgiven my ex when he repeatedly asked for forgiveness and asked what he could do for me even one year after our break-up. I told him there's nothing he can do (for me) other than take good care of himself, be happy, and don't let me worry about him. But I suppose he could've felt much better if I didn't use the undertone that "Hey, I say this out of pride because I'm still hurt and I'm better than you."

Anyways, I thought I did a very good job eliminating him from my life before I turned 26, but I realized this wasn't a complete solution because, ocassionally (I don't like it even it is occasioanlly), the negative image of men came to my dreams to haunt me, and I'd wake up feeling hurt. So, for the last week of my 26th year, I came back to contemplate about this on the subject of forgiveness.

Results of my comtemplation: I certainly cannot be like a good Christian who is supposed to be able to forgive anything anytime. And I realized not forgiving is essential in leading me to forgiveness. Feelings come and go, and what I can do is to make bad feelings go faster, rather than preventing them from coming (which, I guess, is not really realistic?). I also realized this is a rather Buddhistic view, but I like it, and I endorse it, and I'd like to think I've overcome my unwillingness to forgive (I swear it's damn hard and doesn't happen very often to anyone, but it's good to at least do it once).

*I have also become "a perfect roommate" to my perfect roommate Mary Ann. And she always says if she became rich she'd hire me as her chef, so I'd never worry I will go out of work. ;) She made me my favorit cookies today (I ate at least 10 at once, they are tiny, but oh now I feel guilty!), and told me "You're the kindest, most thoughtful, straightforward, lighthearted person I know." I really loved hearing it (esp the word "lighthearted"), but would like to discount 50% of it by taking in account of her Southern-style sweetness, and another 50% for the fact that she's a very polite educated American and that she loves me.

*Oh, speaking of which, Mary Ann also helped me significantly in overcoming my negative image about myself when I was being 26, namely "fat" and "ugly". Of course I can't totally discredit my own efforts, but she has been the most encouraging person so far in my life, filling holes in my heart that my parents failed to notice. Now, before I reached 27, I was confident enough to wear bikinis, and asked a stranger to dance salsa with. I'm really grateful about all the changes. And it's not possible without the support of all my encouraging friends, plus Mary Ann. (I'm happy that I earned my confidence the hard way, so it's hard for it to go away too.)

Ah, this is "wordy and annoying". I should stop here. Last year this day I was working mid-night at my office, I was sick, and I didn't really celebrate. This year I went for a one-day adventure in Mexico with friends I care for, we went to the beach and the wineries, and we were (or at least me?) really happy. If I were to use a linear prediction method to forecast what my 27th year would be like, it should be just much higher than the 26th one on the index of happiness -- if I'm allowed to keep my hope, like I'd always like to.

My Sock Theory

I lost my favorite sock 2 weeks ago, and the survival rate of recovering it should be assymptotally approaching zero now.

Maybe, you'd say it's just a sock, why making a fuss about it?

But the sock I lost is exactly the one I brought back to China this Feb and asked my mom to mend.

Lesson: you always lose your favorite one sock, and it is usually smart enough to disappear on its own, making sure the other one left reminds you of it all the time.

Learned: (maybe...) don't pick a favorite sock?

Alright, back to work.

If I had time

There has been so much I wanted to write about recently but I don't have time!

If I had time, I'd write for my lonely friend who just lost everything in her life, tell her how I felt when I found out the things I cherished most were gone, how I started over again, and how fortunate it is, actually, for one to lose everything she has at one point, preferably in her twenties, so she'd learn to appreciate people and things in her new life, and learn to understand that we should not take anyone or anything for granted.

If I had time, I'd write for my dearest Z, who has, in the past year, experienced so many setbacks in her life. We were once so close now our lives are so different. I want to admit her all the big mistakes I had made because I didn't listen to her. I want to tell her all the big mistakes she had made because she didn't listen to me. Most importantly, I'd ask her to never ever give herself up. Be it bar exam, job search, abortion, money, in-laws, they may just all be.. a test from the Buddha. And, Z, is almost always so much tougher than me.

If I had time, I'd write about a single mother I met recently, and how brave she was to accept the banality of life, and to raise the kid all by herself. Too many success stories about single mothers are covered by media, now people think it's easy! No it's never easy, it takes constant time, energy, and affection; it repeats every day; it's almost mechanic; but it's also your baby. I want to learn from this girl's courage, I want to befriend the banality of life.

If I had time, I'd write for my best guy friend. I recently spent quite some time thinking about why the hell we are so good friends -- we have no commonalities at all. We are in fact extremely opposite to each other in almost every possible aspect in life. (This guy doesn't even recycle!) Yet, I found one thing that we share: although we do very different things, and we don't really have to physically present in each other's life, we are both able to play like a kid. I guess, that's very important.

If I had time, I'd write my recent thought on developed countries dumping e-wastes to China and other developing countries, and what a conscious decision I make each time I recycle used batteries here in California, knowing a large fraction of them will reappear in the villages of my country, pollutings all the rivers where I call home.

At last, if I had time, I'd want to write down my fears, so that they can fly away from me. There are some things that if you hide them, they will always be there. I'm working on this.

Pieces I picked from yoga classes

Raghavan:

"It's nice to have good, friendly relationships. Start with yourself."
"Learn to be patient."

My sister wrote.

"I'm sorry, but your bed is gone now," she wrote today. She explained that they didn't have any space to put the elliptical machine at home, so my bed had to go. I was totally fine with that. But it's interesting how my sister didn't tell me about this in the beginning when she emailed me about the new ellipitical machine. Then I asked for pictures. And she replied me back with a few and the news about the bed. She knew that I would have found out about it from the pictures even if she didn't say anything.

I joked about this while writing her back this morning: "Alright, I see... You guys don't want me back anymore. I'm cool with that." It meant to be a joke. But I remember, for years since I left home, my mom had always kept my room exactly the way it was before. She was proud of maintaining it that way. She kept it clean and vacant so whenever I was home again, both she and I could feel that nothing had ever changed.

Maybe nothing is for ever.

I'm really fine with it though. And it's good that sister has finally started to work out. It's just... I need to make some small adjustments when I do my mind-traveling now. I do mind-traveling to cities where I had resided when I feel like I need somewhere to belong to. I remember those alleys, trees, smells, streams, and they are all leading to those old dwelling places -- the same something I'd pass by each time when my mind is traveling through. The trips goes faster if I have my eyes closed. I feel assured when I'm certain where everything is. And the mind travels even faster. And so that I will find my way home. But now, before I open the door to my room, I need to remind myself, hey buddy.. it won't be the same anymore.

What happened to Scott?

What happened to Scott?

Ah, my battery is dying.

How dirty is LA?

I finally changed the air filter in my car today (I bought the filter, I don't know, at least several months ago? But it kept being ignored in the trunk). The old one I took out was *disgusting*... Literally, as I was pulling it out, dirt from its bottom was dropping like rain. Very dry, sand-like.

I was wondering at that moment when was the last time I changed the air filter, and I simply didn't recall. And I just kept trying to remember as I walked back from the hood to the trunk.

What's funny is that when I went to the trunk to put the tool kit back I found a recept that almost turned yellow, half buried under the carpet on the far side of the trunk, and it was by chance the exact receipt for the old air filter! Dated back to January 2005 though, meaning it had already been used there for about 2 years. Ew... I had been lazy.

And, nothing feels better than warm soap water to clean my hands after that. :)

On ladybugs

Even and odd numbers mean different things; I like those with seven dots, but the 28 dots ones they are evil.

Quotes from Le Petit Prince

"Wait a little, just under the star! Then if a child comes to you, if he laughs, if he has golden hair, if he doesn't answer your questions, you'll know who he is."

met the Mavens

Stopped by to meet 2 Mavens today.

The first one was having a flu and was slightly surprised to see me in front of his door. We greeted each other, and I said, "You'd guess that I come to you... because I have a problem." He smiled and said let's figure it out. I told him what's wrong, and he immediately diagnosed the problem and suggested me unlimit cputime. I'd never thought that was the problem because I firmly believed I fixed it las year. Apparently, the fix wans't grand enough. And the Maven is the Maven.

The second Maven. Every time I see him, I feel like I should salute. "Something in your paper is bothering me," said the Maven. And within a few minutes, he successfully turned that something bothering him into something bothering me. Guess the Maven is the Maven.

I started talking to the unix machine

Last night I fed it 2000 trees and went to bed. This morning, it gave me some feedback -- "the number of trees is probably not enough." So, I increased the trees to 10000 for the new run, and I asked, "Among the 10000 trees, which one do you like best, and when would you let me know?"

It didn't answer. But I knew it usually would take 2 days for the machine to have a careful and comprehensive examination for every tree.

As Claire once wittily commented on my complaint about how boring my work was: "Work is boring. What do you think we get paid for??"

Exactly.


Though I kind of like my friend Unix now.

Hemp Ale & J's bday

Today's J's 36th birthday, which means we as friends needed to make him feel full and happy, so we went to this seafood place for some happy hour fun.

According to our Russian friend -- As somebody said: “by the time you’re 35 you’re older than most buildings in LA.” I couldn't help laughing, and later told him: by the time one's fifteen, s/he is older than most buildings in China.

"You know what happens if we build more prisons? ... We make more laws. There are already too many fucking laws." (A retired probation officer responded when I asked for his take on the overcrowding problem in CA prisons)

"Are you friends for a long time?"
"Yeah. He was a probation officer. I was an inmate."
"Was that how you met?"
"Yeah. I got him in prison for 3 times."
"Seriously??"
"I really like this girl.. You are like my best straight man!"

"Your violence is back. That's good! I saw a real person... behind the wall of indifference." (On the way back I was playing with the Russian friend, pretending to punch him in the face.. And he said that. It actually looked funny. He's much bigger and there's no way he'll get intimated by me. But J has this "small-dog big-dog theory"...)

"Hah, so there is somebody does not know what is t & a."
"So is it a euphemism?"
"No, just a slightly less vulgar abbreviation."
"So, personally, when do you use this abbreviation?"