Ready to be 27.

"Life has never been this good" should be a fair one-sentence summary for my 26th year. I'm so proud that I actually did several things that I never thought I could:

*I learned how important and how easy it is to be happy, and how little it actually takes (that is, I suppose, the willingness) to help bring out the happiness of people you care about and care for. I learned it the most scary way, but it also gave me the greatest effect. So I have nothing to complain about. :) Want to ask me how happy I am now? An example: there's once I went to a store to buy some car wash product. As I was looking around, a stranger came up and said, "Are you an artist? You look so happy..." As I am pretty sure that I didn't look like a drug addict in any possible way (to disclose a little more, I'm a "pot virgin", a title Arnab gave), I took it as the greatest compliment I've had from a stranger last year.

*I learned how fun it is to try new things, esp. those that when I told my parents I'm going to do and they would be screaming "No!!!!!" I must be a bad kid -- whenever I override my parent's no's, I feel VERY great. Now it has become a rule of thumb that something'll be really fun if they object to it. I went sailing, skiing, kayaking... and received pure happiness from it. I understand they want me to be safe and live a long life, but what is the meaning to it if it only comes with boredom? Good that my parents are also quite adaptive, and are getting used to me being adventurous (though I don't think anything I've done so far should be counted as adventurous at all).

*I learned to wish the best for people who had hurt me. This is not easy at all, and may sound suspiciously hypocritical, but this is the only way to "free oneself from anger and pain" (thanks MA, for putting my subconcious thoughts into concrete words). I regret that I had not truly forgiven my ex when he repeatedly asked for forgiveness and asked what he could do for me even one year after our break-up. I told him there's nothing he can do (for me) other than take good care of himself, be happy, and don't let me worry about him. But I suppose he could've felt much better if I didn't use the undertone that "Hey, I say this out of pride because I'm still hurt and I'm better than you."

Anyways, I thought I did a very good job eliminating him from my life before I turned 26, but I realized this wasn't a complete solution because, ocassionally (I don't like it even it is occasioanlly), the negative image of men came to my dreams to haunt me, and I'd wake up feeling hurt. So, for the last week of my 26th year, I came back to contemplate about this on the subject of forgiveness.

Results of my comtemplation: I certainly cannot be like a good Christian who is supposed to be able to forgive anything anytime. And I realized not forgiving is essential in leading me to forgiveness. Feelings come and go, and what I can do is to make bad feelings go faster, rather than preventing them from coming (which, I guess, is not really realistic?). I also realized this is a rather Buddhistic view, but I like it, and I endorse it, and I'd like to think I've overcome my unwillingness to forgive (I swear it's damn hard and doesn't happen very often to anyone, but it's good to at least do it once).

*I have also become "a perfect roommate" to my perfect roommate Mary Ann. And she always says if she became rich she'd hire me as her chef, so I'd never worry I will go out of work. ;) She made me my favorit cookies today (I ate at least 10 at once, they are tiny, but oh now I feel guilty!), and told me "You're the kindest, most thoughtful, straightforward, lighthearted person I know." I really loved hearing it (esp the word "lighthearted"), but would like to discount 50% of it by taking in account of her Southern-style sweetness, and another 50% for the fact that she's a very polite educated American and that she loves me.

*Oh, speaking of which, Mary Ann also helped me significantly in overcoming my negative image about myself when I was being 26, namely "fat" and "ugly". Of course I can't totally discredit my own efforts, but she has been the most encouraging person so far in my life, filling holes in my heart that my parents failed to notice. Now, before I reached 27, I was confident enough to wear bikinis, and asked a stranger to dance salsa with. I'm really grateful about all the changes. And it's not possible without the support of all my encouraging friends, plus Mary Ann. (I'm happy that I earned my confidence the hard way, so it's hard for it to go away too.)

Ah, this is "wordy and annoying". I should stop here. Last year this day I was working mid-night at my office, I was sick, and I didn't really celebrate. This year I went for a one-day adventure in Mexico with friends I care for, we went to the beach and the wineries, and we were (or at least me?) really happy. If I were to use a linear prediction method to forecast what my 27th year would be like, it should be just much higher than the 26th one on the index of happiness -- if I'm allowed to keep my hope, like I'd always like to.